Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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