Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
