just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
