Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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