Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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