guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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