she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
