Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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