i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize