I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
