I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
