My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
