we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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