All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't deserve a penis
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
