Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
