You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
