I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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