I bet he comes in French.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
