Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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