oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No subtext here. People are naked.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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