Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
