If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
