oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did i walk over a car last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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