The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
