I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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