if you like me you must not know who I am
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
