we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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