i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize