porn star boner night. come get it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
