hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
