I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Randomize