Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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