You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize