dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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