all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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