I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
