I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
