you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
