what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
