she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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