Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
