I wish I could teleport
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
