After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
