I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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