Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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