yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
