i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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