Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this just has baby written all over it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hippo gnu deer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
