sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
