drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
im on a boat
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