Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
