i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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