you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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