Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
