I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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