So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
