normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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