I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
