I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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