I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
