you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
