I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
