tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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