My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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