I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
