1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
