dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
