You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
