Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
