love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
