I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
