She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
