I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
