I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
