i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
