I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
