This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize