they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
