He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
