lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just googled if crying burns calories
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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