I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How does one acquire holy water?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
