im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
