dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
