somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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