..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize