Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
