Only a mothe r could love this liver
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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