he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
