I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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