its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
