did you get engaged???
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
