we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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