I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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