I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
