I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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