and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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