remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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