I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
